


The "Meanie, Meanie Butt Face" Incident

by SasukeUzumaki



Series: The Incidents: Naruto and Sasuke's Strange Relationship Milestones [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bless the commenter that suggested this, Heyyy back at it again with that teacher/teacher AU, I needed a buffer between the last one and this one, It's perfect, M/M, Sasuke is literally a whack job in this one, and here it is, oh my god it's bad, rated t for slight language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 09:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13854438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasukeUzumaki/pseuds/SasukeUzumaki
Summary: Naruto is happy, so Sasuke is happy. Naruto is happier today, which mean Sasuke is, too. It turns out that Naruto is happy because his best friend from high school, Kiba, is in town. Sasuke is suddenly not happy. You see - Sasuke is Naruto's current best friend, and if you've ever seen Highlander, you know that there can only be one.





	The "Meanie, Meanie Butt Face" Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I would like to give a very special shout out to LolieG, who mentioned that Sasuke being rivals with Naruto's childhood friend would be funny. Fortunately, I was looking for something to fill the hole between the "Silverware on Craigslist" Incident and the next one in the series. Thank you so much for filling in the gap! Couldn't have done it without you.
> 
> That being said, I really hope this one is still funny, because for me it felt like it didn't quite hit the same mark as the others. While this is a great subject, it's not the easiest one for me to write about it seems.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Sasuke is content. Naruto is there, and Naruto is happy, so Sasuke is happy, too. Naruto is happier today, so Sasuke is happier too.

Sasuke approaches him after fourth period comes to an end.

He is talking to someone.

Someone who is not Sasuke.

The nerve.

See, if it was a student he was talking to, Sasuke is able to let that go – they’re teachers, for god’s sake. However, this someone was most certainly _not_ a student, he was a grown ass man –

Did Naruto just _laugh?_

Sasuke quickens his pace.

“—oh my god, I can _not_ believe that! Really? He really did?” Naruto asks the man incredulously.

“Yes, he did. Kicked out of the whole chain.” The man replies smugly.

“That’s insa-“

“Totally insane,” Sasuke butts in. He turns to whisper to Naruto, “what’s totally insane, you have to catch me up.”

“Well, _Sasuke_ ,” Naruto shoots the man a look, “we were talking about an old family friend. Of my family, not his.”

“How old is he?” Sasuke asks.

“Well, he – not that kind of old family friend, although he is old –”

“You don’t know how old he is?” Sasuke asks.

“Well, no, not really –”

“Well then, stop talking about him.” Sasuke says, “Obviously you don’t _need_ to if you don't even _know_ him.”

“So _this_ is…?” The man points at Sasuke.

“Hey, don’t point,” Sasuke scolds, “it’s considered rude in many cultures.”

“Is it rude in _your_ culture?”

“Well, not mine in particular, but some. For all you know you could be offending some foreign grandmother right at this very moment. Oh, do you hear that?” Sasuke holds a hand up to his ear, "She just called you an asshole."

“I thought you were kidding.”

“Please, don’t –” Naruto pleads the man.

“Don’t what? What is he doing?” Sasuke grabs Naruto’s arm and leans into him, “Is he a bad man? Do I have to save you?”

“No, Sasuke, you don’t have to save me,” Naruto sighs, “this is an old friend of mine, Kiba. Say hi Kiba.”

“I’m pretty sure saying hi is going to take me on a ride I don’t want to be on.” Kiba replies.

Sasuke gasps dramatically, “The man won’t even say hi! Some friend he is, right? How about you just… never speak to him again. Ever.”

“Sasuke, please, you’re being ridiculous –”

“…and I’m the best at it.” Sasuke replies.

“You are so lucky he’s cute, because that’s just weird.” Kiba comments.

“He called me cute, Naruto, he’s a predator,” Naruto groans as Sasuke continues, “so obviously you should keep me away from him because who _knows_ what he’ll do to me!”

Kiba laughs. Students are now accumulating around them, because these things tend to be interesting.

“Alright, man, I gotta split, but I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, man, see ya tonight.”

“Alright, cool then.” Kiba gives Naruto a pat on the arm before he leaves.

Naruto turns to Sasuke warily.

“So… you’re seeing him tonight, I see.” Sasuke crosses his arms.

“Yes, we’re going to catch up. I haven’t seen him in years.”

“Mm-hmm…” Sasuke examines his nails.

“You can come if you want.” Naruto offers.

“Why would I want to come? I want nothing to do with that predator maniac. Who knows, he might murder me.”

“ _I_ might murder you if you keep this up.”

“Thank you!” Sasuke exclaims, “I’m willing to die by your hand, not his.”

Naruto rolls his eyes as he enters his classroom.

“You’ll die by my hand alright.”

* * *

 

Sasuke is grumpier, the students note. They’re wary to turn in their papers at this point, because Sasuke hasn’t been that nice with grades when he’s angry.

“What’s wrong?” A student asks.

“Nothing.” Sasuke replies curtly.

“If nothing was wrong, you wouldn’t be acting like a piss baby.” Another student says.

“I’m not a… a _that_ baby,” Sasuke avoids using bad language in front of students, “that’s mean.”

“Then tell us what’s wrong, mate. We might can help you.”

Sasuke considers this offer for a moment.

“Uzumaki has this friend that came into town and he’s spending all of his time with him.”

“Wow. That’s what’s wrong.” The student’s reply was said rather rudely.

“Yes, that’s what’s wrong! What else would be wrong? He’s just a….” Sasuke thinks for a moment, “a meanie, meanie butt face.”

The students break out into laughter.

“A – a _meanie, meanie butt face?”_

“Yes! A meanie, meanie butt face!” Sasuke whines.

“I’m going to tell Mr. Uzumaki you called him a meanie, meanie butt face.” The students can hardly breathe at this rate.

“I did _not_ call Mr. Uzumaki a meanie, meanie butt face! I called his _friend_ a meanie, meanie butt face!” Sasuke’s voice has officially reached the “kettle” whine.

“Okay, so I’ll tell him you called his _friend_ a meanie, meanie butt face.”

“Go ahead, see if I care.”

“Mr. Uzumaki might not appreciate you being mean to his friend, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m his best friend, he _was_ his best friend, and there can only be one. Have you even _seen_ Highlander?” The students laugh in response. “God, you’re all uncultured swine. That was paraphrased from Toy Story, in case you haven’t seen _that,_ either.”

The bell rings and the students thank the heavens that Mr. Uchiha forgot to ask them for their essays after his lecture.

* * *

 

As soon as Naruto enters the school the next day he can feel Sasuke’s pissed off aura. He doesn’t even know where Sasuke is, so the extension of his aura _has_ to be on purpose. Naruto decides to attempt to avoid him until he calms down.

Sasuke’s waiting for him at the door of his classroom.

Of course.

“So, what did you do last night?” Sasuke asks.

“Um, I caught up with Kiba.”

“Why were you running?”

“Uh…” Naruto has no idea what to say to that. “…we weren’t? Not like, physical catching up, but like… combining memories catching up.”

“Combining memories, huh.”

“Yes. We talked.”

“You talked?”

“That’s literally what I just said, Sasuke. I have preparation work to do –”

“What did you talk about.”

“Why are you interrogating me?” Naruto complains, “It’s not like we’re even dating!”

Sasuke looks like a kicked puppy at this point.

“Well, I know that, but –”

“Kiba and I are _not_ sleeping together if that’s what you’re worried about! I would _never_ sleep with that man!”

“You’re not even sleeping with me, Naruto, I know you’re not –” Sasuke narrows his eyes. He looks Naruto up and down, “…or are you?”

“I literally just said –”

“Stop using the word literally, you’re overusing it, and you’re making me even more suspicious of your activities.”

“Sasuke, _please.”_

“I don’t like you hanging out with him!” Sasuke pouts.

“Why? I haven’t seen him in years! He was my best friend from high school! Wouldn’t you want to hang out with _your_ best friend from high school if they showed up?”

“…” A montage of war flashbacks of Suigetsu play in Sasuke’s mind. “…no.”

“Sasuke, I’m not dating him, I’m not sleeping with him, Sas I can’t even brush against him without him screaming No Homo.” Naruto rubs his hand along Sasuke’s arm reassuringly, “You have nothing to worry about.”

“I just… you spending time with him is not you spending time with me.” Sasuke looks down.

Naruto sighs, “Sasuke, I know you have problems with this kind of stuff, but it’s getting out of hand.”

“Maybe they wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t borderline abandon me when you went to see your father.”

“Sasuke.”

“What? You almost moved!”

“I wasn’t even considering it –”

“Besides, you knew I’d have a hard time with it! Why didn’t you just… oh, I don’t know, take me with you?”

“I’m training you.”

Sasuke pauses.

“What?”

“I’m training you! You have wicked separation anxiety, and I’m trying to help.”

Sasuke’s pissed off aura grows.

“You summoned a fucking snow storm to _train_ me?”

“I didn’t – why the fuck do you think I can control the weather? That is so –”

“I despise you.”

“You know, you _can_ hang out with us, Sas. I told you that you could.”

“Why would you want to hang out with me?”

“Wh – what do you – what do you _mean_ why would I want to hang out with you? You just –”

Sasuke smiles.

“I knew you liked me.”

Naruto sighs.

“You are absolutely ridiculous.”

“I know.” Sasuke cuddles up to him.

“…we aren’t dating, are we?” Naruto thinks out loud.

“I’m not sure at this point. I thought we were, but then you said we weren’t, so… you’re dating me now.”

“Wow, you aren’t even going to ask me?”

Sasuke turns to look at him.

“What? No, that’s preposterous. Why would I ask you when I already know that you’re going to say yes?”

Naruto sighs. He pulls Sasuke in closer, who appreciates the gesture.

“Kiba was right – you are lucky you’re cute.”

* * *

 

And Naruto was right. Kiba  _is_ kinda cool…

…he should still watch his back, though. Sasuke hasn’t been meeting him; Sasuke has been researching all of his weak points.

That man better watch his step, or he’ll catch these hands.


End file.
